Oh it is the age old question that all men want to know. You better get cozy if you are reading this because I am about to blow your mind with my wisdom…*winks* Obviously, I only speak from my opinions and experiences. I have to reiterate that in every blog so people don’t fly off the handle. I do believe I have a pretty good grasp on things and I do think with some of the things I might share in this blog that a lot of women will say things like, “Oh I’m not like that” or “No way” but I think if they truly evaluate themselves and are completely honest they will find a lot of what I am saying to be true. As all of my blogs are, this one will probably be all over the place.
That is what keeps them interesting right? I would like to say there is only one answer to this question but let’s face it, when it comes to women is there ever only one answer? Women want an assortment of things. Although people always state that men and women are so different I don’t think a lot of people truly understand that. Men are more simplistic creatures (again general statement) and they tend to accept things easily. Women think with their emotions…yes I said it women and you know it’s the truth (so you can take a deep breath too). We tend to evaluate a lot of situations and make them complex. I am not stating that this is a bad thing. When it comes to dating/men/relationships, women want a variety of things. What every woman truly wants is to feel wanted. No, not in a needy sense but in a sense in which a man shows her his attention and it is obvious he wants to be doing so. A woman wants respect. I don’t understand why relationships have become so complicated these days. It really should be easy but unfortunately communication is being lost and honesty is becoming a thing of the past. I am not saying that what a woman wants is more important than what a man minds. I am just lending my insights. I guess the easiest way is to speak directly for myself (because I think a lot of women would completely relate and would have the same thoughts).
I hate nowadays how often I hear men complain about women being needy. Don’t get me wrong, I have witnessed it, (and probably have done it myself) some women are far too needy. But some men really have no idea what is going on. A woman is just really trying to show you that she wants your attention because she is into you and cares about you. If you are into her why would you not show her that? What is defined as needy anyways? Is she needy because she wants to plan a date with you?
Is she needy because she wants to spend time with you? Is she needy because she texts or calls you because she wants to talk to you? Call me stupid, but those things seem to be a compliment. Why is there a constant game of cat and mouse going on? Again, I realize some women go overboard but it comes down to it that women are usually trying to impress a guy. We want to show to you that we care.
Ok so let me give you MY list of what I need in a relationship and then I will give you my list of wants-some might overlap…
1) Someone extremely kind and caring
2) Someone intelligent than can keep me intrigued and stimulated. I need someone that wants to learn with me-whether we learn something big or small every single day.
3) Someone understanding-yes there will be times that I will be an emotional train-wreck and these will be the times I need that person more than any other time.
4) Someone compassionate. I cannot have someone in my life that is selfish. It is important to learn from and help others in life.
5) A great personality/great sense of humor. I absolutely love to laugh. Laughter can cure anything. If you can never make me laugh then we definitely aren’t a match.
Wants: You will see that there are a greater number of wants than needs. Needs are way more important though. Wants are wants but they are not necessary…they are just the icing on the cake.
1) I want a man that is college educated-not a deal breaker but it does show incentive and initiative. If you aren’t college educated than I my hope is that you have a good job that you are dedicated to. Either way I want someone that works hard and always strives for better. Ok, maybe this should be a need.
2) I want a man with a strong sex drive-BUT is respectful. If you are trying to get in my pants right away and that is all you care about then you better keep on moving.
3) I want an attractive man. This is a very general statement because being attractive is so broad. I have met many very average looking men that have become extremely good looking because they had great personalities. Understanding how to be confident as opposed to being cocky is totally sexy.
4) I want a man that is artistic. This can be a man that draws, paints, writes or is involved in music. Someone that is in touch with their creative side.
5) I want a man that has a strong relationship with his family. No not a mama’s boy. Just a man that cares very much for his family and holds them in high regard.
6) I want a man that is financially secure. Don’t get this twisted. I said secure not wealthy. I am not looking for a sugar daddy or someone to take care of me. Unfortunately many women are because they think money=happiness. They will learn quickly that is not the truth at all. I have known all along.
7) I want a man that is going to want to go on different adventures and push me more and more to step outside of my comfort zone-someone that is going to initiate different fun things-this actually should be under needs more than wants but I am just going to leave it here for now.
8) i want a man that has faith and his a believer in the existence of one God, someone that also helps me to be closer to God and we can both communicate with God on different levels.
I could go on and on about my needs and wants. We all have them and not every one of them are able to be fulfilled. I really hate that dating and relationships have become so complicated and so much work.
Yes, I understand there needs to be compromise sometimes and 2 people aren’t always going to agree but when 2 people are right there really shouldn’t be complications. Maybe I live in a dream world but I love this world because it makes me know myself and what I want.
I have stated in a past blog how pathetic I think a majority of men are nowadays. Again, so I don’t insult any Sensitive Sally’s out there, I realize that women are far from perfect—but we are talking about what women want so zip your lip and keep reading. So to the men, I will just say it-GET OFF YOUR ASS AND TAKE INITIATIVE. That is what us women want. Show us that you care. We are sensitive and we need attention (yes some more than others). This is just the way we are built-stop calling us drama queens and just give us some attention. I think it is funny that so many men throw out the words drama queen or psycho with so many women (like it is just a normal way to describe us) and usually they are the ones with spoon in hand stirring the pot.
Just be honest with us. Make sure your words and your actions line up. If you have to play macho in front of your friends and this causes you to demean a woman in the process then you should know that you have no spine and your friends are treating you like a puppet. You are the one that looks like more of an ass-trust me on this.
So men, I cannot speak for all women because I do not know all women but it really is pretty easy. It may sound like a lot but it really is not. Be kind to a woman. Be respectful to her (don’t cheat on a woman because you can’t think with anything but your penis). Be honest. We are all grown-ups. It is time to let this whole game go. Feelings are going to get hurt regardless at some point, why add fuel to the fire by stirring up a bunch of lies? Take ownership when needed. Voice what is bothering you (sometimes we really have no idea). It all comes down to communication and that is something that is really lacking these days. I wish we could go back to a time when love and relationships were truly valued. When relationships didn’t just consist of sending text messages to each other all day. When I am with someone I want to hear their voice over the phone and listen to them tell me about their day. I am full of never-ending questions. That is not me being nosy or “annoying” that is me wanting to get to know you more and more everyday. If you find that annoying then there is a good chance you and I will not be taking any trips down any aisles. What woman want is really not as big of a mystery as people make it out to be. If you have specific questions to throw my way please do so, you know you will get an honest answer from me and if you think I am all wrong here then I would love to hear your side.
M’ade writes from Lagos. Visit her blog here http://madekreations.wordpress.com/