essentials…!!

I’ll tell you one thing: There are no thighs that look as good as the ones that are about to walk out your front door and never come back. This is doubly true if she’s a good woman because you’ll learn real quick how tough it is to find another. 

Men cannot live on mistresses alone, even though they’d like to. As much as you want to chase tail forever, if you find a good woman, consider the fact that they don’t come along often. Having a woman that you can trust is invaluable, especially after the world has boxed your ears for a few decades. Rest assured that I am no saint, but we should try to keep priorities straight at home. 

You’ll never have a shortage of problems in life, so I say forget about dating women stuck on the “crazy” setting. A friend of mine got stabbed in the leg with a fork by his mistress. Need I say more? Those chicks are night time fun, sure, but they are erratic and costly, and they distract you from business. Besides, I’m not sure adulthood is meant to be fun. Your 20s were meant to be fun. After that, the real world expects responsibility, and a good woman can help you find success. I’ll tell you what: In your 40s, the most fun in life comes after you’ve worked hard at something and can celebrate a victory, such as after you’ve pulled off a casino scam.

So what is a good woman? I know what you’re thinking: a deaf-mute Pamela Anderson. But jokes aside, here are some things to look for and a few to avoid.

GOOD QUALITIES

Loyal

The same rule that applies to capos and bosses can apply to your wife or girlfriend. Loyalty is a virtue, especially when it comes to pillow talk at bedtime.  Secrets get shared in every relationship. If she’s nosy, that’s a problem, but over the course of time — unless you’re sleeping with a real deadbolt — she’ll figure certain things out, and she of all people had better not be a rat. 

Supportive

One thing that’s very important is how she represents you when you’re apart. If she goes out with the girls and drags you down endlessly, that’s disaffection, brother. If she has a low opinion of you, it needs to be confined and then unwound. In the same way, you shouldn’t be dragging her name through the mud. If there’s a problem, fix it at home or tackle the issue constructively, but you don’t need her plaguing your reputation when plenty of cafones are willing to do it already. If she’s got to criticize you, it’s better to have it done to your face. 

There’s no way you’ll get anywhere in life if you have some broad nagging at you

 

 

Patient

If she nags you, this is a serious, deadly problem. Like the black mould that grows in bathrooms, it’s best to recognize this early. I’m certain that nagging shortens a man’s lifespan more than smoking does. And guys, if you want to make a splash in this world, you can’t be browbeaten into going to the ballet instead of playing poker. Have you ever heard a story about a gangster in the 1930s saying, “Yes dear, ok, fine, I’ll stop bootlegging”?   

Sensible

As much as we like mistresses to be dumb, wives shouldn’t be. You have a doormat on your stoop, but you shouldn’t file taxes with one. If you have a dumb woman, then you might end up with dumb kids, especially if you expect her to raise them while you’re out working. Now, keep in mind that I say “smart,” as in common sense, but you don’t want some pinko with a Ph.D. in penis envy. John Gotti‘s wife, Victoria, raised his kids and stayed married to him through all of his court cases — and she was a high-school dropout.  

Calm

Your confidence in your career will wax and wane with successes and failures. Taking risks means working toward success, and if you have a woman that supports you, it’s like leaving the house wearing a newly pressed shirt.  A woman who believes in your dreams will make reaching your goals that much better because she helped you get there. If Dillinger’s marriage hadn’t fallen apart, maybe he’d have become an American Family Insurance salesman instead of America’s Most Wanted. A nice sweetheart can talk sense into you when you’re angry with such simple lines as, “You look nice, baby, but please don’t sack that Wells Fargo.”

BAD QUALITIES

Party girl

We all love these types of girls — but to settle down with? Forget about it. If problems with drugs or alcohol are even remote questions, answer them by giving her a beer for the road and saying, “Hit the bricks, honey.” This will be a real issue if you have kids, and simply put, it’s unacceptable. This is not to suggest that a prude or a teetotaler is best, because it’s nice to have some fun with your woman. But if she’s tipping her glass by noon and it ain’t Sunday Communion, she’s got a problem, and therefore, so do you. “In vino veritas” means “there is truth in wine,” and in my business, that leads to another saying: “Loose lips sink ships.”

It ain’t all in the gazongas, boys

 

Stacked

I like stacks of money as much as I like stacked ladies. However, the bust ain’t as essential as honesty — not in the long haul. When you’re young, it’s hard to think beyond a woman’s body, but at some point after the honeymoon, you’ll be thinking more about spaghetti carbonara than Kama Sutra. After a 10-hour workday, her calzone may be more attractive than her body. And be careful about having dessert elsewhere because plenty of wise guys, like “Trigger Mike” Coppola, have betrayed their wives and been burned by the hellfire of a woman scorned. A friend of mine, a real sage, said: “It don’t matter where you get your appetite, as long as you eat at home.”

behind every great man…

In the end, a good woman is someone that you respect and like to have dinner with. If she’s not fun to eat with, then you have a lot of silent meals ahead of you.  Silence is no good, especially in a real man’s house. Remember: For it to last, she’s got to interest you for 50 years, so take one more bite of that calzone before you throw it away.

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