Yes, I lied to you!

Yes, I lied to you!

She looked me in my eyes and asked “Arinze, I know you don’t love me but do you really care about me?”

I was taken aback! It seemed I lost my line of thought for a moment when those words hit me. In a split second, I tried to make up words that would appeal to her emotionally. I wanted to be diplomatic about it but I just had to lie.

We had just finished having dinner a while ago, had a shower together and had just finished the fourth round of sex. In all honesty, it was good. It felt like she was the best I had sex with; there was always something special about the sex. I had come to realize I could never resist her. Anytime she touched me, I let down my guard.

Simi and I met for the first time early this year through a mutual friend. The connection was instant, but we met at the wrong time. It was few months to my 26th birthday and all I was thinking of was making a head way in business and developing myself. I was hell bent on achieving success that relationships, the erotic kind, didn’t matter to me. Besides, I had not had the best of experiences you know.

As she lay, her head resting on my chest, and waited for my response all I could think of was falling asleep.

“Why did she have to wait till I wanted to sleep before asking this question?” I wondered. “Does she always have to bring this up?” “Why would she want to ruin this perfect night?”

As I tried to find answers to these questions, I froze!

Did I really like her or was I just really hooked on the sex? Was it the bomb sex trying to get emotions in the way? Did she really love me the way she always claimed she did? Did she feel I only wanted to be with her for sex? What the hell was I doing?

I’m damn sure she felt my heart racing so I quickly adjusted, cupped her cheeks in my palm and kissed her forehead. I looked her dead straight in her eyes and lied.

Of course she felt relieved and I did too, honestly. I thought I had just dodged a missile then she hit me again, this time with tears in her eyes!

“Sweetness, I think we should stop seeing each other. I have become so fond of you I can literally cheat on my husband with you if I got married now. I’ve gotten too attached, I don’t think I’d be able to stop you if you ever did lay your hands on me.”

I melted.

Loneliness VS Aloneness

imageHello fam! How’re y’all doing?

As is tradition, it occurs to me to write once in a while and I usually write about stuff that unnerves me the most at that point in life.

When I mentioned this topic to a friend, he looked me in my eyes and said…”I hope you’re not suffering from both!”

I was reading an article recently written by a great man, Leke Alder. He pointed out a few things that relate to loneliness and they made me cringe. Hence, I had to start reading about the differences.

As you know, this is a very germane topic. Soooo…let me tell you why I think you’re lonely!

Loneliness is not an easy thing to define. It’s easier to describe the feeling of loneliness than to pin down a definition. We tend to confuse loneliness with aloneness. The reason is because the feeling of aloneness often accompanies loneliness, but aloneness is not loneliness. Even Webster’s dictionary got confused about the definition. It defined loneliness as being sad from being apart from other people. But that is the feeling of loneliness; not loneliness. You and I know you can be in the midst of friends and still feel very lonely. To be sure, being in the midst of people can and does assuage loneliness. Activities ameliorate loneliness. What activities do is block out consciousness of loneliness. I’ll explain.

Loneliness is like being in a strange place, on a very vast terrain of the undefinable. Everywhere you turn there is land and land and land; and everywhere you look there’s sky and sky and sky. The vastness of the terrain makes you feel like the silhouette of a stick figure in the distance, your tunic blowing in the wind. It makes you feel puny, inconsequential, and weak. If you look into the horizon, removed from yourself from far away so you still see yourself, you’ll see the sky kiss the earth but you’ll wonder where exactly you are. You’ll feel lost. Like you’re not accomplishing anything, or doing much with your life. You’ll question what you’ve achieved, regret waste of opportunities – wonder if you shouldn’t have taken certain decisions at certain moments. And it’s too late. It’s like waking up the next morning and the familiar is gone, like the world moved on overnight, leaving you behind. It’s like you know nobody again. There’s this desperation that engulfs you, like your life has no direction, like you’re all alone. Did you see and feel what I was describing? If you’ve been experiencing these feelings or such moods, you’ve been experiencing loneliness.

Loneliness is not the same as alonement. Alonement is a physical phenomenon. Loneliness is a soulish phenomenon. It’s why gifted individuals experience loneliness, why very talented individuals commit suicide, why musicians are prone to extreme behaviour. It’s why pastors struggle with loneliness, what makes them vulnerable to adultery. Unique gifting, consecration and differentiation engender loneliness.

Now, we tend to assume the solution to this “feeling” is sex/companionship. We say things like…”how I wish I was in my ideal relationship” or stuff like “if only sex was a constant this wouldn’t be”. Sorry to burst your bubble: SEX/COMPANIONSHIP doesn’t assuage loneliness.

The reason loneliness cannot be assuaged by mere sex is because loneliness is a soulish phenomenon, it is not a physical phenomenon. This is what Paul was talking about in 1 Corinthians 6:16-17 (MSG) when he wrote, “There’s more to sex than mere skin on skin.” Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, “The two become one.” Since we want to become one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us lonelier than ever…”

In other words, sex without commitment and intimacy only exacerbates loneliness; it doesn’t cure it. It’s why the Bible contextualises sex within marriage. That’s the definition of intimacy and commitment. Without intimacy and commitment, sex makes us lonelier is what the Bible says.

Let’s take a closer look at Adam. He was the first man to experience loneliness. And so here was this brilliant fellow named Adam. He had a fantastic job. He was spiritual, having demonstrated transcendent capabilities and having fellowshipped with God. And yet he was lonely. We can thus establish three facts:

1). Brilliance will not make you immune to loneliness.

2). A fantastic job cannot resolve the question of loneliness.

3). Spirituality does not ward off loneliness.

I know the last deduction is contrary to some of the teachings we’ve had in church. But the truth is, incessant church attendance has never cured loneliness. Loneliness is not a spiritual issue. It is a soulish issue. There are people who practically sleep in church. That you serve God diligently won’t take away loneliness. The service engages the use of your time and preoccupies your mind to block out contemplation of loneliness, but it cannot take away loneliness. And that loneliness can hit you at unguarded moments, say at the wedding of a friend, or even an enemy.

The point I am trying to make is that loneliness is a fact of life. It is something that afflicts all humans; it’s not peculiar to you. Stop making it your issue. Stop berating yourself over it; stop beating up on yourself, blaming yourself for the past, for missed opportunities. What can you do! The arrow of time flies forward, you can’t edit the past. You’ve got to find yourself and move on!

That’s it! I can’t think of a better to end this so I’d rather recommend two mentors that have influenced my life positively. They’re totally awesome people! You won’t come across them and not think! They are Leke Alder and Olakunle Soriyan!

C’est la vie!

The #WCW Hashtag

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It’s been so long, I could barely remember the password to this account. I hope you all have been great ( the avid followers of my, not so cool blog, those that are stalking my thoughts and those that are as bored as I am).

Firstly, I’d like to wish y’all happy new year, twice! One for 2014 and the second for 2015. To hell with whatever other celebrations you’ve had, yes, that includes your birthday. Pardon my sarcasm, i woke up in this mood.

Back to the matter.

So i just recovered from a malaria bout ( I think the Webstar dictionary defines malaria as an African curse, but since I really can’t get the spelling of “Webster” correct, you can as well ignore the meaning! Na black man curse sha…) and one thing that strikes me about malaria, in my case, is its ability to mess with my thoughts. For example, I may be running temperature and having a headache but that doesn’t make me feel I have malaria, what makes me know I do is when I start talking with myself, Otedola ( much respect sir) and Dangote on my mega yatch, discussing reasons why our boys should support GEJ in the forth coming elections.

Ehen, soooo… I am much better now sha, but woke up thinking about stuff though. I woke up thinking about my crush!!!! *straight face*

Yes ke, Crush: a brief but intense infatuation for someone, especially someone unattainable or inappropriate – a person with whom someone is infatuated.

Most normal people have a crush ( because it’s a normal thing, for normal people) and this gave rise to the now popular #WCW hashtag ( whatever that means)! People I know, like Don jazzy be crushing on @badgirlriri ( but will not just buy a jet and fly her to the Maldives and spend quality time with her! Stay there, Meek Mill go soon hit too!), a female friend of mine be crushing on Keke Palmer…and whoever you be crushing on.

Now here’s the thing, what happens when you meet your crush?

Since I am an uncommon pikin, I decided to have an uncommon crush! It’s not my fault though, as she decided to intrude, rudely, and cause katakata in what was a calm life. This “thing”, so beautiful and cute ( like, dangerous levels of cute, as a friend would say), nice and calm to a fault, properly educated and groomed, well spoken and an erudite, just “waka” enter my life like that, who send am message?

So I got to meet her in what would be termed an uncommon circumstance and thought that was the end oh, 00:15hrs ( for una wey no go good skool, 12:15am) I was crawling the internet searching for her picture and bio. Alas, I found her and knew she was the perfect woman to crush on.

Fast forward, 2 years later, I’m having breakfast in a beautiful house by the pool side and this “thing”, just waka come again! Chaiiiiii…there is God oh!!!!! So, for a minute I was stuck trying to ask why my dictionary defines a crush as unattainable, but also realized that it also used the word inappropriate for uncommon people like me just in case we had to have a crush somewhere near home.

Please, my fellow uncommon people, what’s the way forward? So I just tell her I’ve been “crushing” on her or just pray that our paths don’t cross again so I can keep crushing on her? ( by the way, “crushing” is such a lame word!!!!!!! Like, how would i literally want to crush this sweet cherry?)

Let’s solve this #WCW wahala together!

#After Dark…Episode 3

He had been in love (or at least lust) with her since he met her two years ago at work. After having been passed up for this party the year before, he was surprised to have been invited to the party she threw this year for fellow employees. All evening while they were chatting he was realising there was more than just her body. He loved the way her mind worked, and that her sense of humour matched his more than any woman he had ever known. As the party guests were beginning to leave, he ventured out the door to the back yard.

He thought to himself that he wanted to remember as much about her home as he could, so he would have life like images of her in her home for future fantasies. He was thinking that he had dreamt about her in just about every imaginable place, but her home would be more perfect, make them more real. As he walked through the tall tropical garden like-back yard, he noticed that the path led to a Jacuzzi which was hidden by plants from party goers all night. He was so caught up in imagining her walking through the plants naked, occasional leaves brushing against her naked flesh, maybe arousing her, her nipples hardening, then getting into the hot slippery water of the Jacuzzi that he didn’t realize how much time had passed.
She knew, though, as she had seen him walk out that door and disappear through the plants. She tried to hurry the guests out, pleading a headache and complaints from the neighbours. She had noticed him two years ago at work, and had wished that she could run her delicate hands over his strong body. She imagined many times getting him into the Jacuzzi out back, but alas she was a shy woman, not assured of her beauty, and thinking she was not enough to catch his eye. She had not invited him the year before because she was afraid he would sense her attraction to him and turn her away. She was not sure she could handle rejection from him. All night she had been talking to him, noticing how much he looked at her, when he thought she wasn’t paying attention to him, but her eyes had kept him in sight all night. As the last of the other guests left, she locked the door and dimmed the lights.

Quietly she walked out the still open door hoping he hadn’t fallen asleep looking at the stars. She hoped she would find him as in need of her as much as she was of him. Deciding to risk it all, she removed her clothes and laid them over the table in the kitchen. She prayed that she wasn’t making a complete fool of herself, but was unable to resist this urge. She slowly made her way down the path. He had imagined her walking down that path exactly as she now was, but still he could not see her, the plants hid her from view.
All his thoughts had him almost painfully hard, imaging her in the Jacuzzi naked, and wanting him. He had removed his clothes. The image so vivid in his mind that his clothes were a crumpled heap in the grass near the Jacuzzi as he couldn’t stand the pressure any longer. His hands travelled down his body as he imagined hers would be as she caressed his hard nipples and continued down his stomach to encircle his manhood and stroke it with a rhythm. He pictured in his mind that it was her hands on his body. As she nears the end of the path, she sees him standing naked by the steaming Jacuzzi. Her eyes are drinking in the sight of his naked body. She hears the soft moans coming from him as he imagines her hands on him, and hears him softly whisper her name. His speed increases and the moans get louder. She knows then that he is attracted to her she hesitates no longer.

Quietly she moves toward him hearing his breathing become erratic. She kneels before him and he is so lost in his fantasy he missed seeing her already aroused body walk down the path. Placing her hands gently over his, she moves them back up his body. Simultaneously taking his throbbing member into her wanting and waiting mouth, he feels a startled jolt at her touch and flings his eyes open, and fills her mouth with his hardness almost enveloping it completely. Still not believing this could be happening, but not ready to let this fantasy go, he begins to move his hips slowly pulling in and out of her mouth.

His hands are running through her long soft hair, massages her shoulders and he hears her moan softly all the while his hard cock in her greedy mouth. Her tongue caressed him, her lips pulling on him she feels it getting harder, throbbing, knowing he is about to go over the edge Her hands reach around to cup his butt, squeezing it, pulling him deeper still into her mouth. As she moves faster and more erratically along his hardness, her swollen nipples brush against his thighs. She hears his swift intake of breath at the contact and she does it again and then lightly slaps his ass taking the chance that he might enjoy it. Noticing that the slap cause a rather jerky movement of his hips she picks up the pace of her mouth making frenzied love to his hard cock with her mouth. Her delicate hands are stinging his bottom lightly with little smacks, and she is pressing her hard nipples into his thighs as she slaps and squeezes his ass. Pulling him closer and deep-throating him she feels the joy of his release in the warmth filling her throat.

His fingers have tightened in her hair, and slowly she slides her mouth from him. She slides his body, kissing her way to his lips. While deeply kissing him, she feels that his breathing is still ragged. She pushes him slightly backwards until he is sitting on the deck that holds the Jacuzzi. Her hands are now running over his heated body and she looks into his eyes and smiles a wicked little smile. His eyes are still glazed over with passion as he looks at her in wonder. He reaches out to touch her, still not sure it wasn’t just his active imagination playing tricks on him again. He had imagined her touching him like this too many times to count, but this time was different. When he reached out to touch the image of beauty before him, he came in contact with warm living flesh. He almost jumped startled his eyes roaming over her as he now noticed the subtle differences between her in the flesh and her in his fantasies.

The fantasies were lacking the sparkle in her eyes, the full sweetness of her lips, and the list went on. Reality surpassed imagination with her as. He looked deeply into her eyes noticing that they were as glazed as his felt. He rolled her from her side and from the wall where she was leaning against. His still overly warm body was pressed against her back. He stood staring at her in wonderment yet again. His hands tracing her jaw line lightly, brushing over her full still slightly damp lips. Her tongue was snaking out to brush against his fingers and she looked directly into his eyes as she nibbles gently on his finger and sucks it into her mouth. They moan together at the sensation. His other hand has been trailing slowly towards her breasts, their tips still proudly erect due to both the chill in the air and the man looking lustfully at her. His hands worshipped her as his fingers found one nipple and rolled it gently between them bringing a gasp from her lips. She slides his not damp finger from her mouth to circle her other nipple. His eyes drinking in the sight of her, hearing her soft throaty whimpers of need, as he trails kisses down her neck to her breast. Taking the swollen nipple into his mouth, her body jerks in reaction to being engulfed by his hot mouth and his fingertips trail lazily ever so slowly towards her waist and below to the hot wet welcome that was waiting for him.

Her body tensed as the teasing fingers linger to circle her belly button causing goose bumps on her heated flesh. His fingers reached their destination feeling the heat radiating off of her as he lightly brushes over the hair that hides from his view. His fingers tease her clit, first rubbing then circling. They slide along her lips feeling the moistness hidden there and the heel of his hand continues to mount excitement in her as the tip of his finger inserts itself into her tightness. Her hips arch into his hand and a moan once again escapes her lips. He trails his now damp fingers back up her body, his mouth moving the opposite way he stops to taste his fingers. He watches her reaction and then continues kissing his way down her tummy as her muscles quiver under his lips. She is now loudly proclaiming her need of him as he slides his tongue across her hard clit. lingering over it slightly, then slides his tongue to delve deeply into her. Her whole body jerks as her nails are scratching against the deck upon which she lays. Her body is still flushed with the excitement of catching him pleasuring himself thinking about her that she is almost ready to orgasm. She tries to hold it back wanting it to be with him, and says “don’t hold back baby”. He breathes into her mound “I want you to cum for me” as his ministration with lips and tongue continue. She loses her grip on reality and goes spinning off into the stars screaming his name. Her quick responses to his explorations have him hard again. He wonders how she can do this to him. Her body is still trembling as he moves his body up hers, showing her how much she turns him on. With out the use of words he rubs his now stiff member against her still throbbing slit.

He is loving the way her hips jump, moving her closer and then farther from him. Slowly he slips inside her easing into her tightness, glorying in the feel of her muscles still erratically contracting around him He slides in and out of her deep and hard ,holding her hips to him to her. She is surprised as his deep thrusts are quickly talking her back to the place she just visited. Her body moving with his, they come together harder. Each thrust brings them closer and their spirits soar quickly to the release both of them have been craving for 2 years . Panting, their bodies slam into each other. Her nails clawing at his back, their breathing ragged almost sounding like it is one person breathing. They tense in unison, backs arching, tension exploding in a wave like nothing either had previously encountered. They kiss deeply as they fall over the edge of ecstasy. Their names are a whispered word between them as they manage to pull themselves to the Jacuzzi and lay there in the hot water cleansing themselves.

What’s in You? Episode 1

As the sun began to set, I got extremely restless. For days, I have not been able to come to terms with my current state: idle, young, vibrant, broke, indebted graduate. My idea of being restless, suffice to say, is in its own entirety a collection of mixed feelings: fear, anxiety, fever and the likes.

My line of thought is always kinetic…just as my recently acquired kenneth cole luxury watch. Having mentioned this, what is the sense in buying a $300 watch on credit?

The future is bright, Yes. How about today? I will be a wealthy man, Yes. How about my present financial challenges? I will be a man of influence, Yes. How come I feel so lonely and know but a few people? It is said that I’ll be great, Yes. How do I put these little things together?
As I lay on my bed, a thought popped up. A thought, bright as an LED, which seeks to peacefully offer a way out. In that moment, I saw myself as a nation and sought to deal with these issues as any leader would using diplomatic means ( maybe I saw too much of Obama and Netanyahu today). In order to overcome debt and be truly free from such stronghold, it is said that a firm approach should be used.

It is obvious that the first step to be taken is to desist from such actions/purchases/pledges that may result in incurring/obtaining credit. You cannot spend more than you earn and in this case, Earnings = Zero. A wise leader knows that in order to thrive as a nation, decisive action needs to be taken. It is beyond throwing words at eagles.

Secondly, like J. Chen (CEO of RIM), lose patience! When you take debt mildly, it consumes you. It is a cancer. Tackle it aggressively…be mean! Look it in the face and nudge it…tell it, it’s over.
A nation cannot earn revenue on oil it has not harnessed. Create value…harness what’s inside of you! Trade value for gold…for in so doing, you offset debt and gain more!
The right question to be asked thus is:
What’s in you??

#AfterDark…episode2

ST

I know I shouldn’t be here. That’s like the 100th time I would be saying that to myself in the last 10minutes. But my body took no orders from me anymore as his mouth lowered and took my lips. As I responded fiercely, his tongue probed gently, searching and expertly seducing, while his lips crushed on mine answering willingly and mindlessly. I fretted as his lips were all over my face and he buried his mouth under my throat. I shivered as my breasts yielded against the hard line of his chest, arousal -too tame a word, as he was tempted to rip off my shirt, like it stopped him from breathing as I unconsciously reached for his sweater and took it off.

Simultaneously, he also reached for my bra, off it went while he caressed, smooched and suckled my breasts. I was buried in an avalanche of passion as a little tiny voice in my head said again ‘you know you shouldn’t be doing this’.
I wanted to say no but as he rekindled the wild fire blowing through me with soft kisses, touches and unexpected words, as he ripped both of us of all the remaining clothes on us, flesh to heated flesh, the forbidden journey began.

In ecstasy I said NO but what I voiced out were moans with different tracks as his kisses ran everywhere and his searing mouth veered down me, over me and I froze in passion. Then he whispered “baby it wouldn’t hurt, I promise”. I didn’t even care but I did close my eyes as he found me and so did the pop of blood find its way out and then I knew it was broken.

As I opened my eyes, I didn’t see heaven but I saw as the white light dazzled in red, blue and green, and I heard him call my name in a muffle of urgency. There was speed, desire, desperation, urgency, strength and passion. Faster and faster they all collided together, as I lay beneath him and as my hands dug dip into his back, speechless and thoughtless.

As he raised his head to look me in the eye. I couldn’t help but blush as he withdrew voluntarily and as I lay in his arms I couldn’t help but realise I had tasted the forbidden fruit. However, it didn’t matter for this one was for love. I wished God would understand for I was driven by passion.

Few hours later, we got dressed and he took me home.

You want comfort…what’s your worth?

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What is it these days with girls and material things? Yes…they have now been overcome by things of the world oh! Every girl now wants her “baby boy” (well, if nah “maga” she dey call you, nah your own bad pass!) to be buying, buying, buying and buying as if we came to this world to labour for women. Mtcheeeeeeeeew!

You want to eat “Givenchy rice and Gucci beans” for lunch and you want him to bring it to your house in a Bentley…are you now a member of GEJ’s cabinet? Don’t you know they are the only ones with such entitlements?

We often hear a lot of crazy stuff like;

  • If he doesn’t own a car, I’ll pass!
  • If he doesn’t have a “great” job…fimile.
  • If he can’t provide the things that I need, biko let me be!
  • If he cannot package like the children of the thieves we have in PDP, let him spend his time praying and fasting for deliverance because that is what he needs.
  • If he cannot this, if he cannot that…haba, habatically*in p-square’s voice*.

I know women “believe” that men think about sex 98% of the time, sorry to burst your bubble…some men don’t, the real men don’t! That is why they have started referring to their thing (you know nah, that thing down below) as tools. “If they want to get a taste of my cookie, they have to pay!” See you, unofficial ashawo!

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A lot of people tend to have issues in their relationships presently; and that’s because we are yet to really talk about finances. It’s an issue that has marred lots of relationships that were probably heading in the right direction. Most times, girls are of the opinion that financial security is one factor that must be available before getting serious with a guy, even if he has flows like Jay-Z and NAS combined. What they ALWAYS fail to tell us is what they coming into the relationship with.

I’m talking about real relationships here, not one where you guys just want to keep shagging yourselves et al. If you’re going to date me, is your selling point just physical stuff? I’m of the opinion that real men are no longer interested in dating “barbies”. You don’t expect me to work real hard, to earn enough to take care of myself and my partner and the only thing she has to offer is sex. It’s not going to work.

I feel men don’t really need a lot from the ladies, it’s in our nature but the few things we need aren’t even there no more. Passion, Friendship, Intellectual conversation, and a good laugh every now and then…these things are really lacking. Look beneath the surface, if they were there, we wouldn’t want to stray. These days, all you get is someone who doesn’t know what she wants out of life. Girls that can’t hold up reasonable conversations except you’re talking about irrelevant stuff and yet you say you don’t know why you’re in the relationship if he chooses to spend his money on something else that interests him?

You feel because you’re supposed to be cooking my meals I should roll on the floor every morning to thank you? Haven’t you heard that the best chefs in the world are men? That’s farfetched sef, thank God for “Mama Cass”, they open new outlets on a regular, so WTF.

You think I can’t do my house chores myself? You think I can’t have a complete life without a woman? You think I can’t have kids without you…then you haven’t heard of surrogacy.

All I’m saying is, if you want us, the real men, to provide comfort in the relationship (the new car, a house in Ikoyi/Lekki, regular vacations and trips round the world, luxury toys…mention all you want, we’re capable) then you have to step your game up.

Stop spending all your time watching silly movies, read a good book. Don’t talk about your hair, nails and how the neighbour’s dog barks all day long, talk to me about reasonable stuff ( it might be about Manchester United FC…*winks*). Yes, don’t stay up talking about why you need to get those new shoes for you, your sister and your cousin, I am dating only you!

I’ll provide all you need and make you comfortable…just show you’re worth it!